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Denell Wiseman
My name is Denell Wiseman. I am now working as an assistant librarian in a reference library in Houston. Ever since I was young I believed there was SOMETHING MORE than this life I experience with my human mind and body. Trying to find this Something More, I explored many things including Yoga, Edgar Cayce's writings, Mind Dynamics, Tai Chi, A Course in Miracles and others. They all helped, but I moved on from each one. A year and a half ago, while walking in the park, I first saw the Falun Gong exercises being performed by 5-6 people. Their reverence and the slow gentle simplicity of the exercises impressed me deeply. One young man beckoned to me and while the others continued exercising, he showed me the first set,Buddha with 1000 Hands. After that, I went every Saturday and Sunday morning for 3-4 months. Others in the group helped me learnthe other sets, including the sitting meditation. At the urging of the "assistant," I began exercising and meditating every day. Prior to practicing FalunGong I would wake up with regret that I had to get up and go to work. After a week or 2 of practicingeveryday I woke up ready and eager for whatever the day would bring. It was a dramatic change. Peopletold me how well I looked. This only confirmed what I already knew; I was on a good path and reaping thebenefits. It was not easy to add 2+ hours to my daily schedule. I went from moving slowly through the world to feeling overbooked and frantic. There is always something I haven't read, written or done hanging over my head. Yet I am more than willing to strive for more involvement with Falun Dafa because I believe it hasbrought me to a happier, more fulfilled and capable version of myself. I navigate more easily andgracefully than I have ever done before through sometimes-difficult tides of human interaction. Mysmile remains genuine and sincere. Like all of my family, I had suffered from lifelong depression and insomnia. I took pills for both, aswell as barbiturates for headaches and estrogen "change-of-life" pills, many different vitamins andsinus pills. My mother had died of Alzheimers in June 1998. On returning from scattering her ashes and bidding mysister (who is also ailing) a weepy goodbye, I received an eviction notice. My landlord's son wantedmy place for himself and his new wife. In shock, I could not even begin looking for 2 weeks. I finallyfound a place, but it would not be available for several weeks more. However, the young man wasanxious to have me gone before then. That forced move, right after losing my mother, an abortive attempt to stay with a friend that ended in ascreaming match and 2 weeks in a motel left me in a very low state. My job is challenging and good, but stressful and demanding. I was drained when I came home each evening. The many unopened boxes, plus piles of papers, clothes and all kinds of other things made me want to scream, but I was so tired and low energy, and there was so much to do that most days I did nothing, but eat and go to bed. I had a few friends and spoke on the phone to my son and sister, but I spent most of the time alone with mydog and cat. The young man who taught me the first Falun Gong set kept urging me to read the 2 Falun Dafa books, China Falun Gong and Zuan Falun, AND he wanted me to watch the 9 video tapes of Li Hongzhi's lectures. "I'm TOO BUSY!" I replied indignantly. Even though I felt the benefits of the exercises, I begrudged thetime it took and resisted spending more on this practice. It seemed to me he wanted me to devoteevery single minute of my life to Falun Dafa. I resented the way he kept after me, and hated feelingthis way! I finished the 1st book and began the second, and watched 6 videos after which I said, NO MORE! However, at my own pace I did continue with Dafa. I met other practitioners who helped me see that it wasimportant to finish Zuan Falun and see the rest of the videos, both of which I did. Then I began Zuan Falunagain. Soon I was able to get into the full lotus position, which I had NEVER been able to do before, but it wasso painful I did not sit that way for meditation. However, after reading Master Li's words about holdingthe full lotus even though it hurts, in order to turn karma into virtue (de), I began to sit in the fulllotus for the meditation. It really intensified my experience, and very soon I could hold it for 30minutes. Shortly after that my son came to Houston to play a soccer tournament, and spent the night at myapartment. I was excited to have him there, and after 5 hours of pill-induced sleep, I popped awake at 5am. I reached for another pill, but my mind said, No more pills. I nodded to the Deities and fell into a deepsleep. My son had to call me 3 times to wake me a few hours later. In the 1st week without pills I had 1 moment of fear when I woke up with cramps in my legs, then a fewnights where I slept ok, not great, but no long periods of insomnia. During these days I felt happy,but tired. Then I had a bad headache one day. The difficulty was compounded by being at work where Ideal with the public and am under constant scrutiny and stress to perform in a top-notch way, to stand upfor myself and work vigilantly on my Xinxing. That day I seriously considered taking a barbiturateheadache pill, however I did not. The doctor who originally prescribed the depression pills had said several times that I would need themfor the rest of my life. I had felt so grateful for those pills. And for awhile I was grateful to let them go, although I realized - when I thought about it - that I had notseen anything in "Zuan Falun" about pills, for or against; the idea of cutting medicine out of my lifecame from reading some experience-sharing papers. However, at a certain point I again grew fearful andcontacted a couple of other practitioners to discuss the situation. Ultimately I went back to my pills, but cutting them out was important for my acceptance-of-the-Fa journey, my commitment. During the no-pill time, about 2 weeks, I realized the truths the assistant had been trying to help me see. I initiated another session with the 9 videos and attended an experience-sharingconference in NYC. Hearing the stories of the Chinese practitioners and the tribulations they faced was extremely moving andaffected me very deeply. The next day I went to one of the Central Park locations for group exercise andmeditation. Half way through the meditation my legs started screaming to be let out of the lotus position,but thinking of all the pain I had heard of the day before, I stayed as I was. I felt some kind of unitywith all Falun Dafa practitioners, and really with everything. As I sat I became aware of the brilliantcolors opening up like flowers, one after another behind my closed eyelids. When it was over I feltvery light. Before returning to the conference I went to a coffee shop and wrote about my experience. Later I read in "Zuan Falun" about the flowers opening as a sign of tianmu activity. That was a year ago. I continue to practice and cultivate as well as I can, and to appreciate the added power it gives me to be who I truly am. Tribulations continue at work. A 21-year-old assistant has been hired and given the title of Senior Associate because she has a degree. I do not have a degree and am titled Associate. I spoke to theLibrarian who commiserated with me and said she would speak to the Personnel office who, she said, hadconferred the titles. The next day, mindful that I am a Falun Dafa practitioner, I was able to sincerelytell the Librarian that I did not mind, after all, my difference in title from the new assistant.I felt this was a significant and strengthening step on my part. Another improvement in my life since Dafa is that I am weaned from the television set! I used to turn it onmost days when I came home from work, walking the dog or wherever. Every night and weekend day the tv would be on for hours, even though I really disliked much of what was on. I was addicted. Now I watch only 2 shows, one weekdays at lunch and one on Sunday morning. I really appreciate this liberation from ahabit I did not enjoy. Before Dafa, whenever I traveled anywhere overnight I would be severely hampered by indigestion andinsomnia. Now these problems are totally gone. When I go on vacation I digest my food completely andproperly, and sleep fine. I know this is due solely to my Falun Dafa practice. Practitioner friends help me very much to appreciate and develop the meditation set and standing exerciseswith their periods of empty mind. Before I preferred the 1234 sequence of exercises so we could get #2 over with. Now these empty mind poses refresh and strengthen me. I am learning to value my difficult moments with people and events. The slights, humiliations anddisappointments no longer trouble me as much, but help me see how far I have come; I give thanks in 4 ways. I still notice my attachments to food and my pets and
other things, and my bad habit of swearing (much lessthan I used to), but
I'm so much better off than BD (Before Dafa) that it's like night and day!
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